Call me a Chameleon!

Call me a Chameleon!

chainimage-chameleon-colorful-lizardimage credit: chainimage.com

As I mentioned in a blog post on my professional Facebook page a couple of months ago; I heard myself referred to as “The Trauma Doula”. This is not because I inflict trauma upon my clients you understand (!) but more because I have chosen to specialise in supporting women (& their partners) in unravelling traumatic experiences and their impact on the journey of pregnancy, childbirth and the post partum period. So around and about Amsterdam I speak a lot about Birth Trauma, about VBAC, about Caesarean Birth, about sexual abuse, about domestic abuse and about the ways and means we have at our finger tips to support our hearts, bodies and minds in unpicking the thread that these types of trauma can weave through our experiences of these special moments in our lives.

Anyhow, I digress! Never having really had a “nickname” because Ilena doesn’t really rhyme so easily with other words;  (someone did unsuccessfully attempt to spread “Ilena the Painer” some 22 years ago) I decided that “The Trauma Doula” was also not really one I was keen to perpetuate within the Amsterdam Birth Network or the wider network of families and parents-to-be.

So it got me thinking….what would I like to have as my nickname or “trademark”? To mention but a few fabulous doulas in Amsterdam with nicknames; the wonderful Maartje de Bruijn-Bruning from MotherMe is referred to as “The Duracell Doula” due to her unwavering high energy support, my beloved and multi-talented mentor Jennifer Walker has recently become “The Spinning Babies Doula” due to being one of seven approved Spinning Babies trainers, and the lovely Wendy van der Zijden IS “Holistic Doula”,due to her passion for all things natural and holistic, so what would I (or others) coin as a nickname for myself?

Well after waiting a few months for an answer, earlier this evening it struck me:

Am I “The Chameleon Doula”???

Now in other contexts of life, the notion of being a chameleon might not work so well: who would want a dentist come gynaecologist come antiques dealer to fill in a root canal? Who would trust a baker come plasterer come politician? What about a chemist come footballer come gardener? Maybe not….(!)

In the world of birth keeping however, I believe passionately in the value and significance of this ability to camouflage into the surroundings, and shape shift as appropriate. For me it is important that as a doula I can support you in a homebirth setting, in a hospital induction, in a water birth at a birth centre, or in a planned caesarean birth – all equally.

Now what does that actually translate into in terms of what I actually do during birth support? Let me be clear and tangible :

  • I love space clearing with sage, palo santo or incense
  • I love to offer insight into herbal teas and mineral supplements
  • I love to sit with you as you learn about the physiology and chemistry of birth
  • I love to use yoga principles to help you stretch out the body
  • I love to hear your feedback after having reviewed the lastest scientific research on Vitamin K
  • I love to sit with your midwife as you present your preferences for your care
  • I love to help you pack your birth centre bag
  • I love the curious and sometimes intense taxi ride to the hospital
  • I love to coach you through the fears and doubts that arise as you navigate those final cms in your living room
  • I love to bust out the essential oils for you as you’re hooked up to the CTG
  • I love brushing your hair and applying make up as you enjoy the relief of the epidural
  • I love to heat up your body with my warm hands as I channel the healing and rejuvenating energy of Reiki through your body
  • I love to talk you through what I can see as you lie back on the operating table ready to meet your baby
  • I love chanting with you as you prepare to bear down and push
  • I love to coach you through the mental blocks like a hockey coach as you continue to push like you never did before
  • I love to capture your incredulous awestruck face as you take in the face of your baby in person
  • …and I love everything in between! I have to shape shift pretty dramatically in one birth between all of these tasks.

My clients reflect this chameleon like appearance; I serve artists and corporate lawyers,  recruitment consultants and managing directors, performance coaches and stay at home parents….and every professional and non professional parent in between. Religious parents, atheists; trilingual expat parents, parents fluent in the local dialect; parents who prefer allopathic medicine to parents who utilise holistic medicine; etcetera. All of these individuals have sought support in pregnancy, birth and postpartum parenting….none of them can be labelled in any one way – and here their “job titles” and some “parenting choices” are just a couple of reflections of who they are or what is important to them.

Surely I have to be a chameleon then?!

I was incredibly lucky to have experienced a shape shifting or chameleon like birth story for my first child…it was like a four part story: through a home birth, an undisturbed hospital water birth, a  full working day of the full casacade of interventions, culminating in a beautiful if unexpected Caesarean birth. Being a chameleon as a professional doula in Amsterdam means that I can support you in any birth setting, through any change of plan, through any and every choice you make, and through any outcome – always unconditionally and non-judgementally.

I realised through my own personal experience the true value of having birth support who can comfortably switch birth settings, who can effortlessly adjust to the mood and atmosphere as birth unfolds and everything shifts dynamically. For me the ability to be a chameleon seems intrinsic to the nature of a birth keeper…to be a professional who can shape shift easily and effortlessly and yet hold true to the core essence of their values and beliefs.

What does the core essence of my professional pledge look like?

  • Unconditional and continuous support

  • Non-judgemental support; I have no agenda

  • An open mind, an open heart and open hands

  • Respect and reverence for the uncertainty and miracle of the journey of birth

  • Positive and empowering communication

  • No protocol or prescription for care; on the proviso that it is clear that my support is non medical by definition

Whatever my personal choices might be in my pregnancy, during the unfolding of my birth stories, and as a parent I hope they don’t influence whether or not you decide to hire me…I would like to think that I have a successful and demonstrable track record in providing support as outlined above to all families who hire me; whatever their choices.

If you would like to enquire about the flexible and interchangeable services of The Chamelon Doula (!!!) then please email me to organise an introductory meeting where we can explore what doula support could look like for your family.

hello@ilenajoannestandring.com

 

What to pack in your hospital/birth centre bag: The quirky list!

What to pack in your hospital/birth centre bag: The quirky list!

There are so many lists out there for guidance on packing your bag for taking to the birth centre or hospital. Often the hospital or birth centre will issue a list of their recommended bag contents and so what I include in the list here is the “other” stuff; that as a doula in Amsterdam I see is often overlooked – or when providing birth support I see really makes a difference.

For You

  • Your own pillow – when you are in labour you are open to your environment in an unparalleled way (we are mammals after all). The familiarity of touch and smell of your pillow in the hospital or birth centre setting can work wonders to relax your nervous system and bring comfort in a way that a plastic coated sterilised pillow just can’t compete with.

 

  • Rescue Remedy – use it as you make the journey from home to the birth centre or hospital, as contractions become more intense, as you perhaps encounter the thoughts of “I can’t do this anymore” whilst you traverse through transition…this is on repeat order from my suppliers for my own doula bag!

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  • Aromatherapy oils – the top five for me are Lavender (relaxing, wonderful to ease muscle tension, antibacterial, lovely used in massage), Clary Sage (for relaxing into the other wordly state that labour hopefully brings, to intensify contractions), Frankincense (calming emotions, promoting physical relaxation, centering and can assist later in post partum skin healing – diluted in an appropriate carrier oil), Peppermint (or nausea, to cool off, to cut through fatigue, massaged into the back when experiencing back labour it can encourage baby to adopt a more optimal position) and Eucalyptus (for bringing clarity during transition and ready for following the urge to push, if the air is stuffy, or to cool off).

 

  • Forget the diffuser!!! a spray bottle with some lavender and/or clary sage or frankincense essential oil suspended in water ready to shake and spray. Otherwise hospitals and birth centres usually have a surplus of flannels and washcloths that work very well as compresses – warm or cool.

 

  • Coconut water and/or Miso soup – both jam packed full of electrolytes; which your body needs a constant replensihment of during labour and post partum in the hours after birth. It is physically strenous work and the more you can feed your body what it needs the more effectively it can do it’s job and recover afterwards. The combined heat of Miso soup is very healing post partum too – or if labour slows and things need “heating up” again.

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  • A straw or two – just makes drinking at unusual angles a lot easier! Drink, drink, drink – and urinate, urinate, urinate!

 

  • Facial spritz – because sometimes a compress just doesnt’t cut it and you deserve to be spritzed as you work so hard should you so desire

 

  • Favourite luxurious shower products – for afterwards – it can go one of two ways that first shower. Either you rush through it because you can’t bear to be away from your precious little bundle, or you luxuriate in feeling your body as you cleanse away the sweat, the milk, and the stickiness of the last who knows how many hours. Again – familiar comforting smells really help to promote feelings of safety, comfort and wellness.

 

  • Loose comfortable clothing – body shapes change at different rhythyms after birth, and our bodies often feel tender – so loose fitting layers to layer up or down depending on your body temperature are best.

 

  • A big soft shawl or scarf – the familiarity and comfort of the smell, the flexible practicality of having something to wrap around your shoulder during the first feed or two. If it is long and strong enough – you can also use it as a rebozo during labour.

 

  • A loose comfortable outfit to travel home in – sounds obvious but you’d be amazed how often this is overlooked; the clothes you arrived can’t be guaranteed to be so appealing to travel home in.

 

  • *** Don’t forget: TWO EXTRA COPIES OF YOUR BIRTH PLAN. Yes – your midwife and or your care providers will of course already have them “on file” but care providers are busy – very very busy often and so if the care provider on shift for whatever reason haven’t had a chance to read your birth plan already – then a printed copy that you can hand them will save them and you a lot of time and energy finding and or explaining.

 

For your birth partner

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  • Rescue Remedy – whilst it goes without saying that the labouring mother experiences a lot during labour; so does the birth partner. Whether it is the first or fifth time around; it can get a little emotionally overwhelming at any given moment.
  • Swim trunks / change of clothing – if labouring in water or water birth is on the cards as a possibility then it is great if Dad or birth partner is equipped and ready to support in any setting.
  • Nibbles and plenty of liquid – when birth partners are fully supporting the labouring mother; it is hard work for them too. As far as the hospital or birth centre goes, they try as much as possible to support the birthing team too, but their priority is always the labouring mothers – and often birth partners don’t feel like they can “trouble” the care providers for what they need. Plan for them to be optimally hydrated and energised, to ensure you are taken the best possible care of. Whilst it can be that a sweet sugary snack seems appealing; the best bet for sustainable energy is something packed with protein and or slow releasing carbohydrates. Think apples with a handful of nuts or a hunk of cheese, or miso soup with tofu, or a super food brownie packed with seeds and nuts with a few dates on the side.
  • A pillow/cushion/meditation cushion – birth is a very grounding process, and so often a labouring mother following her instincts will not choose to be laying on her bed in a hospital bed but to be swaying on the birthing ball, or on all fours on the floor. Birth centres and hospitals generally have a few extra seats for birthing partners, but if you want your partner to stay close and be comfortable then think about an extra pillow or solid cushion for them to sit on/be supported by.
  • A doula – Well obviously; Doulas are for Dads too

 

For Baby

Again, refer to the more standard lists of what to pack in your hospital bags for all the details, but for our quirky list one thing to consider and two reminders.

  • Cord ties – for years the thing used to clamp a baby’s umbilical cord has been a plastic clamp. More and more people are considering the experience of the baby and that has seen rise to the more frequest use of cord ties, as it is considered the most gentle option for baby (ie. less uncomfortable than a plastic clamp resting inside the nappy). You can make cord ties yourself, it may be that your doula would happily make cord ties for you (I do – as seen in the picture), or you can buy them from Etsy or specialist handmade businesses.

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  • Birth Planning for post natal preferences – Include in your birth plan/ birth preference document a very clear section on your decisions regarding the post partum care and choices for your baby, including things like the use of cord ties (as above) or your choices about whether or not you will breastfeed, or give Vitamin K etc.
  • Baby car seat – When you give birth in The Netherlands you are required to transport the baby home in a suitable baby car seat – best to pack this close to your hospital bag…if you are planning a quick exit from hospital especially, then noone will need to return home to collect the car seat.

 

 

Please check out the fabulous Mama Natural and her quirky recommendations for what to pack into your labour bag:

 

If you love the beautiful Cath Kidston bag as much as I do – click here to treat yourself!

Are we unwittingly perpetuating fear of C-sections; and contributing to birth trauma outcomes by doing so???

Are we unwittingly perpetuating fear of C-sections; and contributing to birth trauma outcomes by doing so???

You’ve all read the headlines, the sensationalist introduction to link to new studies on the latest medical research, the byline underneath the headline:

“Moms beware! C-section may harm your baby’s ‘concentration’ “

“Mother’s agony as anaesthetic wore off during C-section”

“Are women losing ability to give birth naturally? They’re relying too much on C-sections and drugs, says expert”

“The mothers made to feel guilty about their C-sections by OTHER MOTHERS”

“A study revealing the prolongation of labour, thanks to epidurals, has been useful in identifying the iatrogenesis – doctor induced harm – at the root of the cesarean problem”

“BIRTH IS THE KEY in breastfeeding: a natural birth unlocks breastfeeding potential and so much more”

“Induced labor may double the odds of C-section”

“Cesarean birth without labor associated with breastfeeding problems say two new studies”

“C-section babies more likely to become overweight”

Then we have the commonly rolled out “statistics” on how having a doula attend your birth means a “40% decrease in the risk of having a cesarean” or how “One-to-one midwifery care reduces C-sections and improves health care”, and the ever so helpful article entitled: “How to reduce your risk of having a Cesarean”, followed by a provocative article asking “Once a Csection, always a Csection???”….I saw that one and thought of the brave, courageous ladies who come to share their hopes and fears in the VBAC Support Group and thought “oh dear – how would you be feeling about your planned VBAC after reading that tagline?”

There I was, scrolling away on my Facebook page the other day – and the newest well intended article about how Csection babies seem to have a higher chance of having Autism, ADHD, obesity related illness, a bad temper*, longer eyelashes*, multiple nipples*, a recurrent ingrowing toenail* and a tendency to smile later* than babies born via the vaginal canal popped up in my news feed. Following my own positive experience of a C-section and subsequently well documented break up with the Natural Birth Movement these articles do intrigue me and I almost always click in to read them, review the science, consider the message and absorb what I can to support my son’s health. I read the article and noticed my mood had worsened. So I observed the feelings, felt them. Fear, worry, dismay, guilt….and then the thought struck me:

“Are these articles doing more harm than good – are we perpetuating fear of Cesarean birth and contributing to birth trauma by doing so ???”

First of all it is important to say: I don’t know the answer. I don’t believe that there is a binary answer to the question. I’m questioning whether or not I should even pose the question publically or just ponder this further alone?! As a disclaimer I will also point out that I have no science to back up this question or subsequent questions.

The criteria for experiencing birth trauma are well clarified by the Birth Trauma Association with a very clear list of potential contributary topics which contribute to birth trauma.

  • High levels of medical intervention
  • Traumatic or emergency deliveries, e.g. emergency caesarean section

These are two very clear very distinct definitions from a list of sixteen identified contributary factors. How do these events lead to trauma in some mothers but not others? They are not unusual birth outcomes. Is it the physical trauma of the body within these birth circumstances leading to a psychological trauma, or these birth circumstances having been feared/dreaded/denied as a possibility by the mother/never considered as an option meaning that when these circumstances unfold in this manner; the subsequent experience is therefore psychologically traumatic? It’s a bit of a chicken vs egg anomaly. How could we ever really study the impact of having read articles denouncing the perils of Csections on any women, let alone a wide ranging statistically meaningful group of women? Perhaps the only thing we can really do is to be conscious of the question as we encounter another article with a shocking headline?

When it comes to the notion of birth trauma and headlines like these contributing to birth trauma; the more comprehensive question would be

“By repeatedly using sensationalist and confrontational headlines when we publish these studies and their findings regarding birth by Cesarean are we:

a) setting women up with irrational fear of a procedure that sometimes becomes inevitable in an emergency?

b) paving the way for great disappointment in not “achieving” the optimal spontaneous vaginal birth?

c) laying the foundations for trauma by inherently invalidating and dismissing many women’s experience of birth by cesarean as suboptimal? ”

I certainly don’t believe that if we are perpetuating the fear of Cesarean birth in this way that we are doing so consciously – although unfortunately I have seen well meaning birth workers commenting on how “graphically violent” an image of a baby being born by Csection was (which seems a little counter productive to the notion of unconditional birth support).

I read the research, studies and their findings keenly (despite the way the headlines are worded) as a birth professional too; as I stand for informed choice. Informed choice in childbirth should be fundamental, always – whether the choice comes in an emergency situation, a semi emergency situation or even as a choice earlier in pregnancy. I can see and have seen that risks, benefits and options are not always explored fully with expectant or labouring families by medical professionals; and so I can see that by using sensationalist headlines information comes to parents through other channels which otherwise they may not encounter. New research which is consistently being conducted means that sometimes people who made a certain set of choices a few years ago, may well discover something that would affect their decision were they given the opportunity to make the same choice again now; sometimes those people are deeply effected by these articles too. I hope their concerns can be somewhat allayed by reminding them that we do our best with the knowledge that we have at the time.

Above and beyond being crucial in women having all the information they need to make informed choices for their families, the publication and sharing of the research is important and meaningful in the evolution of how we collectively approach birth as mothers, fathers, birth workers, health care providers and policy makers; how medicine and medical protocol advances; and how we can best support our babies’ health post partum, throughout childhood and onwards into adulthood; catering to the specific needs which are unquestionably sometimes a little different to babies who are born via the vaginal canal. This is wonderful as we are actually able to develop practices like seeding the microbiome of the mother’s vaginal canal into the newborn baby’s body post Csection, in order to best replicate some of the benefits of vaginal birth. For more information on this practice head over here. It means that the procedure of the C-section itself can be adapted to offer the mother and baby some of the psychological and physical benefits of spontaneous vaginal birth by performing “Natural C-sections” or at the very least “Gentle C-sections”. For a personal account of a Natural C-sectionby a mother who took part in a study currently being conducted by UCLH in the UK please head over here.

It does seems clear to me though, that some of the aforementioned headlines could be perceived to be perpetuating fear of Csections; intentionally or not.

The question does then broach the bigger picture of the presentation of birth within mainstream media, and the notion of birth as a feminist issue (although birth as a feminist issue deserves it’s own book – let alone a blog post!). I was reminded of the visual presentation of health crisis in the media recently when my beloved grandfather had a heart attack and said a number of times to the emergency healthcare providers; “I can’t believe I’ve had a heart attack – I wasn’t rolling around on the floor groaning in agony with a puce face at any point”. Women’s impressions of birth from mainstream media are often equally misguided, and can range anywhere from “I gave birth on the toilet – I didn’t even know I was pregnant” to “my waters broke as I left the expensive department store, I gave birth in the taxi on the way to the hospital into the taxi drivers hands” to “I fainted in the street and was rushed into hospital via blue light straight into theatre to be put under general anaesthetic and my baby was delivered by emergency C-section”. Certainly any of these situations are possible: but all fairly unlikely. The reality is that there are many opportunities for you as parents to ask questions, discuss your desires for your birth plan, discuss and negotiate the “What Ifs?” or grey areas of birth preferences, and to sometimes even say “I hear that the protocol states we ought to do something to further the progression of my labour right now; but I do not want to and am not ready to agree to any intervention”. Indeed when looking at the reality of pregnancy and planning birth preferences; there is usually very little ‘high drama’ to attract big audiences or a large readership(!)

What can we do with this question? I’m not even sure: doula it? Hold space around it? Consider that client we know who is currently going through the fog of PND or PTSD after having experienced a birth outcome she wasnt anticipating? Consider the heightened intuition of the client who is 39 weeks pregnant and who we know who is digging deep for faith in her body as she prepares to VBAC after having stalled last time she laboured at 3cm? Consider holding space for those clients and others like them before we repost the article unthinkingly and unquestioningly?

It feels important to me to ask the question of myself and the communication I contribute to the discussion around birth; specifically via Caesarean birth.

And so in the name of desensationalising Caesarean birth, in the name of anecdotal evidence to allay your fears about the shocking headlines telling you the dangers and suboptimal outcomes of Caesarean birth: let me finish by telling you the last chapter of a beautiful birth story of a mummy and baby boy I know very well (ahem ahem blush blush) who ended up meeting eachother in the bright, blue, loving and gentle theatre of the OLVG through a stargate wound as opposed to having met in their living room after the full journey through the vaginal canal.

It wasn’t what they had planned.

It was exactly what the mother had feared the most.

But it was beautiful, truly beautiful.

It was deeply healing.

It was what she needed, despite having had a doula, an independent midwife and a best friend as birth attendants to try to  avoid it.

It was a whole host of things underpinned by a whole host of emotions; but it was their unique, wonderful birth story.

She experienced that heart burstingly ecstatic moment right there in the theatre.

The wonder.

The bonding.

The magical miracle of birth, albeit a different kind of magic to the magic she’d been hoping for but magical all the same.

Breast feeding worked out.

The wound healed perfectly and quickly with no infection or complications.

And to date there are no health issues to report in her son, partly because she reads all the articles she can on the health impact of Caesarean birth, and makes the choices that feel right for her and her family in order to best mitigate any “potential long term health impact”.

Words can’t always express the emotion of birth; but I believe these photos capture some of them – a big big thanks to Claudia Van Dijk (midwife from vive: vroedvrouwen in verbinding who took them.

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*Please note* no studies currently prove any link between babies who are born via csection to having a higher chance of having: a bad temper, longer eyelashes, multiple nipples, a recurrent ingrowing toenail, or a tendency to smile later (you’ll be glad to read).

I wish I had…

I wish I had…

I wish I’d been more prepared…

I wish I had read more about what to expect…

I wish I’d known that I could say no…

I wish I had known that I could question their decisions…

I wish I’d made a birth plan…

I wish I’d asked them to follow the birth plan…

I wish I had known I didn’t have to lie on the bed…

I wish I’d learnt how to breathe…

I wish I had waited before agreeing to induction…

I wish I’d known about the other choices…

I wish I had known I didn’t have to have constant monitoring…

I wish I’d been more assertive…

I wish I had been given a clearer picture of the consequences…

I wish I had really understood what a doula does…

I wish I’d had a doula!

I hear so many different mothers and fathers saying these things or variation on these themes.

Even long before I became a coach and doula, people have told me their stories and secrets. I often joke that I have a sign on my forehead that says “Tell me the things you would normally never tell a stranger”. I love hearing these details, despite them often being difficult or painful to hear. I believe passionately in people telling their stories, owning their stories, giving their stories space and time to heal, to evolve and to transform. Ultimately it is these eclectic stories I’ve heard that led me to become a coach.

It is a strange thing now as a doula though (perhaps it’s also that I’m a mother) that I catch myself so often wishing that I could have met them sooner, told them about the myriad of wonderful birth workers in Amsterdam that they could choose from – that their regrets over how their birth unfolded or how their trauma occured could somehow have been less painful, less rueful. It’s a nonsensical line of thinking though of course – because these experiences of birth; be they ecstatic, traumatic, blissful or agonising – have the power to reshape our lives and experiences and propel us into a new direction or simply propel us forward to begin to question the paradigms we had previously accepted without a second thought. And that is beautiful.

I’ve been privileged to have supported many second time mothers and fathers, and after having experienced a very different type of birth the second time round they say things laughing like “I wish every family could have a doula” or “I wish we had had a doula the first time” or “I wish every family could have the chance to prepare like we did this time around”

I previously wrote an article on “what a doula does” which goes into a little more comparative detail about what a doula can support you with compared to other people in the birth team, but I didn’t speak of how doulas can offer so many different support options and how affordable a doula can be.

Obviously I can’t speak for all other birth workers but I can speak for what I am able to offer aside from my doula support packages as stated here:

  • Birth Planning Session: 2 hours discussing birth, labour, post partum and induction/interventions in detail. I leave you with a few birth planning templates and review the document with you a week or two later over the phone/email. 175 per couple.
  • Best Birth Support Companion Ever: 2.5 hours teaching your birth partner “how to doula you” 175 per couple.
  • Birth Story/ Birth Trauma Healing: 2 hours speaking, counselling and coaching through your previous birth experience and ending with body or energy work to finish the session. 150

And two last points:

  • It is never too late to hire a doula! Don’t be the one that says “I wish I’d gone for it and hired a doula”! I offer a last minute package (if I have availability) which is priced at €695 for one two hour prenatal appointment, being on call for you 24/7 from the moment of hiring, and one post natal appointment. I am even open to you keeping my phone number in your phone and if you end up in hospital thinking “right about now I would appreciate having someone here to support us” then try me – whatever the hour!
  • To put the cost of full doula support into context, the Principal Doula Package will cost you less than 20 per week of pregnancy…doesnt it seem much more affordable when put like that?! Please see the testimonials page for more insight into how others have valued my services.

And the very last point(!) – my teachers Jennifer, Jacky and Joyce at JJ Doula Training have details of many student doulas who have completed the education with them but who are looking for experience – and a student doula support will cost between 200 – 350 in Amsterdam (level and experience dependent) for two or three prenatal appointments, birth support and post natal support. I’m happy to facilitate contact or you can reach out to them directly.

Doulas are for Dads too!!! A father shares…

Doulas are for Dads too!!! A father shares…

And then all the pursuing, the hustling, the meditation, the love, the fear, the struggle and the efforts to make your dream a reality is worth it….when you receive jaw droppingly lovely feedback from a dad you supported; a man of few words.

“I would like to have on record that I was initially sceptical about having a Doula present during my partners pregnancy and birth. After my first meeting with Ilena I was immediately put at ease and I am convinced that Ilena has had a hugely positive impact on the happiness and well being of my child. The whole experienced was very humbling for me and has improved my own relationship with my partner and children.”

“Outstanding. Ilena was a calming influence in the room and was available at anytime for both my partner and myself. I was very appreciative to Ilena personally for helping me during the experience when required. All of the techniques used during the birth were familiar to us as we had gone through them in our appointments. Ilena gave us the support and confidence to ensure the birth was handle in the way we wanted.”

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To put it into context further; this man stood by his partner’s side as her sole source of support at the birth of their first child. After what culminated in a traumatic assisted birth of their first, he was understandably a little apprehensive about the second upcoming birth due to having some residual feelings about witnessing that trauma that were not quite resolved.

He confessed that he was a little squeamish(!) too about certain things,  and was uncertain whether or not he could cope with the unfolding of birth and its mess at home, which is what his partner wanted in her heart. For this squeamishness we agreed upon a “safe” word between us; which he could say to me quietly during labour if he needed me to step in to support so he could take some distance and regroup.

This dad was incredible throughout the labour and birth***. He was his partner’s rock. He organised the birth pool between contractions, he pressed acupressure points, he massaged and rubbed at varying pressures, he had his hands and arms squeezed and squeezed, and he remained calm throughout; reassuring his love and ready with hugs, kisses and little jokes to keep the oxytocin flowing. He even cut the cord! Then managed to not succumb to nausea whilst I prepared a placenta smoothie(!) AND he never once needed the “safe” word!!! *** needless to say his partner; the labouring mummy, was an absolute goddess too! ***

Witnessing his experience of the birth story of his second child was already an absolute honour – but to then receive this feedback in black and white is indeed the cherry on the cake for me.

  • choose a doula who you both have a good click with; often our gut instincts when we first meet with someone will tell us whether or not we will get along. There are lots of doulas and birth workers out there; choose the best fit for you AND your partner so that you BOTH feel safe and comfortable.
  • birth trauma is real for men and partners too; let us acknowledge and honour it
  • processing those difficult experiences and emotions, making a comprehensive plan for every eventuality are invaluable steps in supporting a father in being calm and present during the unfolding of labour
  • a doula’s support can benefit a happy beginning for the whole family
  • never underestimate the depth of feeling from a man of few words
  • this quote is what guides my beliefs about my role as a doula:
“Our doula really helped bring me together with my wife as she gave birth. My wife remembers my constant support and never failing love or knowledge. She remembers the doula as a nice person who did some stuff in the background. We won’t give birth without a doula.”
I’m able to take a last minute booking for October, and have space for one more booking in November and December….and roll on 2016 – the booking pages and my heart are wide open!!!!
Please make contact using the contact form, email or directly on 0648688308 to arrange an acquaintance meeting.
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