And then all the pursuing, the hustling, the meditation, the love, the fear, the struggle and the efforts to make your dream a reality is worth it….when you receive jaw droppingly lovely feedback from a dad you supported; a man of few words.
“I would like to have on record that I was initially sceptical about having a Doula present during my partners pregnancy and birth. After my first meeting with Ilena I was immediately put at ease and I am convinced that Ilena has had a hugely positive impact on the happiness and well being of my child. The whole experienced was very humbling for me and has improved my own relationship with my partner and children.”
“Outstanding. Ilena was a calming influence in the room and was available at anytime for both my partner and myself. I was very appreciative to Ilena personally for helping me during the experience when required. All of the techniques used during the birth were familiar to us as we had gone through them in our appointments. Ilena gave us the support and confidence to ensure the birth was handle in the way we wanted.”
To put it into context further; this man stood by his partner’s side as her sole source of support at the birth of their first child. After what culminated in a traumatic assisted birth of their first, he was understandably a little apprehensive about the second upcoming birth due to having some residual feelings about witnessing that trauma that were not quite resolved.
He confessed that he was a little squeamish(!) too about certain things, and was uncertain whether or not he could cope with the unfolding of birth and its mess at home, which is what his partner wanted in her heart. For this squeamishness we agreed upon a “safe” word between us; which he could say to me quietly during labour if he needed me to step in to support so he could take some distance and regroup.
This dad was incredible throughout the labour and birth***. He was his partner’s rock. He organised the birth pool between contractions, he pressed acupressure points, he massaged and rubbed at varying pressures, he had his hands and arms squeezed and squeezed, and he remained calm throughout; reassuring his love and ready with hugs, kisses and little jokes to keep the oxytocin flowing. He even cut the cord! Then managed to not succumb to nausea whilst I prepared a placenta smoothie(!) AND he never once needed the “safe” word!!! *** needless to say his partner; the labouring mummy, was an absolute goddess too! ***
Witnessing his experience of the birth story of his second child was already an absolute honour – but to then receive this feedback in black and white is indeed the cherry on the cake for me.
- choose a doula who you both have a good click with; often our gut instincts when we first meet with someone will tell us whether or not we will get along. There are lots of doulas and birth workers out there; choose the best fit for you AND your partner so that you BOTH feel safe and comfortable.
- birth trauma is real for men and partners too; let us acknowledge and honour it
- processing those difficult experiences and emotions, making a comprehensive plan for every eventuality are invaluable steps in supporting a father in being calm and present during the unfolding of labour
- a doula’s support can benefit a happy beginning for the whole family
- never underestimate the depth of feeling from a man of few words
- this quote is what guides my beliefs about my role as a doula:
“Our doula really helped bring me together with my wife as she gave birth. My wife remembers my constant support and never failing love or knowledge. She remembers the doula as a nice person who did some stuff in the background. We won’t give birth without a doula.”